humanity.

on some days you happen to meet people who manage to make you feel slightly less alone, and of course there are others where you simply meet people with nothing behind their eyes. it isn't by the way they speak, or what personality or intelligence they possess; there are just some that you can feel so disconnected from even after spending an entire day together, and there are others that you'll happen to physically stumble into at the grocery store, and for only a moment -- exchange the same apology, and the same smile as yours, and then you know there are others like you. and then the world begins to feel a lot smaller, and a bit bigger all at once.

i find myself drawn to people, music, and movies with that way about them.

and as you turn the page in a book, or turn to a movie on your television, suddenly you're listening to a stranger say what you thought only you alone could only seem to understand.

christmas eve

my stomach is grumbling with hunger and i've decided to postpone giving in to its desire. i've finally decided to write so i should attempt to remain focused long enough to not be distracted by the thought of carbs.

i can't believe it's christmas eve. this is a holiday where i always seem to look back to where i was on this day, and i have to say, i've never looked back and not been surprised to be where i am now. this christmas eve, i am lying on my bed waiting for him to come home, and come out of the cold and last-minute shoppers. i feel like i don't deserve to be here, and be his, although i can't imagine existing any other way. i have seen him everyday since august of 2007, and even when he comes back in the room after taking a shower i'm excited to see him again. i'm glad that i could afford to give him a few things, only i'm terrified that he won't like them! i guess we'll see.

and unrelated, but it seems that i unplugged myself from music without noticing. i used to listen to music even while i was sleeping. now, the only time i seem to is while i am driving, and since i work only 5 minutes from home, i have time to hear a song and half. but the night before, i put my headphones in my ear and instantly became lost. there is that place inside of your body, although it's difficult point out its exact location, that grows warm when you look into the eyes of the person you love. and when i put those headphones to my ears, i felt exactly the same as i do with him. i need to start surrounding myself with music again because i feel like the lack of it has contributed to many negative thought processes associated with a bored mind.