i feel as if i'm not living the life i was made to live. i feel that i'm living insignificantly.
this is where i need to live, what i'm supposed to eat, where i have to work. i don't understand what it is that i want. if you set me free i wouldn't know where to wander first. but i can't help this constant feeling that i'm trapped, or off course. i dream about the same thing every night. i dream that i'm working. i dream that i'm lost.
my life improved, but i don't understand why i wake up in the morning not very excited for my day to begin. i dread my days of having to work, but while i'm off of work all i can think is that the good times i am having are limited, and my life will go back to the routine of being dedicated solely to a work schedule. i feel that i'm renting my body to my job for 13 dollars an hour, which would be entirely fine, except my mind refuses to comply. i feel trapped there in my edit bay. i feel trapped writing down my predictable work schedule for a week that hasn't come. i feel trapped knowing that it can only get worse when i finally enroll in school, and then my mind and body will be for rent constantly, and i'll be trapped inside a shell that does only what it has to do. we accept our work schedules being 5 days a week. we consider two days away to be a blessing, but i seem to be the only one who minds that the ratio of work to living is 5:2.
i'm a slave to the ring of my telephone, and the sound of my alarm.
thoughts of my inevitably monotonous future don't leave me starry eyed.
Are you a lister?
1 year ago
6 comments:
Hey hun!
'The working hands of someone elses dream'
I love your writing & I can identify with your feelings... Time is more precious than gold, but yet we rent ourselves for 40 hours a week. We give away the best hours of our day to build someone elses wealth. Stay in school, then open your business or publish your book... Make the 'job' worthwile, save your money, milk every job benefit & enjoy fully your Lover, writing, Family :)
this was very poetic; both jonathan & I keep echoing how much of a great writer you are. :] It runs in the family, obviously.
(keep your chin up.)
@ Kno-Mad:
awfully nice to know someone stopped by and made me feel a little less alone/crazy! it seems that many people don't agree with me and accept it, but i'm satisfied with being a dreamer. while at work i am reminded of you saying to make the job worthwhile, and milk every benefit so i can enjoy my time off :] it's encouraging. when things have gotten bad, i try to remember why i am there, hoping for bigger, better days. i consider myself lucky to hold a job with the current state of the economy anyhow!
I'm a fan of your sister's blog, so I thought I'd check out yours and apparently great writing does run in the fam. loved "the working hands of someone else's dream." I went from returning from living abroad to back at home and am just recently got my first job after three months. and this blog post captures so much of my thoughts/feelings. hope you have a fantabulous evening. ;0)
Jenn
@ Jennifer:
thank you! my sister and i have different visions and inspiration for our writing, but i can definitely say hers is much easier to follow! i considered doing a blog like hers but i can't seem to write anything besides my raw emotion. i hope there is a way for our jobs not to be the elephant in the room! where did you live abroad, if you don't mind me asking? the only thing that gets me through working is the hope that one day i'll be financially settled enough to travel.
Hey hun, You can afford to travel! You'd be surprised how cheap air tix can be. I went to Europe in May. I was born in Poland (I'm mixed; African & Polish) & I went to Paris for the first time. I paid 800$ for Montreal to Paris, Paris to Poland, Poland to Paris & Paris back to Montreal.
It really depends on the season. As well, traveling between European countries is cheap. I bought a ticket Paris-
Poland on easyjet.com & airtransat has good prices from America to Europe.
April & May are beautiful months in Europe. Everything blooms faster & its warm.Food is better, & the vibe is so different!
Also, You should come up to Montreal in the summer. We have sooo many festivals. We also have Tamtams on Sundays; every1 gathers on the Mount Royal & there's hundreds of ppl playing African drums. There's hundreds & hundreds of ppl, dancing, lying on the grass, smoking weed. There's sandwiches, fruits, vegan treats being sold & there's even a 'sword battlle'. LOL. It's very relaxed. We have Jazz, reggae festivals. We have carifiesta. It's a huge party. & we have great cozy restos, beautiful parks, funky thriftshops...
LOL. Well. So, there you go. Traveling doesn't have to break your wallet.
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