this night is entirely similar to the night of my first post. my legs over his with the screen facing away from his sleeping eyes. he's been sleeping quietly since he quit his job, and when he sleeps better, i do the same. he has a tendency to talk in his sleep when he worries; it's almost the only time i ever hear him speak of concerns. my body and mind are anxious tonight, but not distressing. i'm more anxious to check the mail box and discover what the weather will bring tomorrow more than anything. i've felt like my days are much like christmas eve. moreso, christmas eve in my family, when the next day brought a surprise, pleasant or not. some years i was shocked to find merely a stocking full with my parents struggles with income. my life seems like christmas eve, only i'm unsure of when christmas day will come. i'm unsure of when my christmas day is for me. lately i believe that the day i find my christmas will be when my life begins. at this point in my life, i could describe my nights as new years eve, waiting for the countdown. even at the countdown i'm sure a person will wonder if they've just counted down to the beginning of their best, worst, or most life changing year.

my thoughts contradict far too much. it could be the tylenol p.m. beginning to speak through me. for being such a small girl i don't know how tylenol p.m. manages to work so slowly for me than it does for him. in height i fit perfectly under his chin. in weight we are both slender, but at his height of six feet tall you could see where i easily weigh 60 pounds less.

my grammar has gone bad.