what a strange way to wake. i felt nothing. no excitement to see the sunshine, no anticipation for much of anything at all. in a matter of days my life will start over for the third time this year. i'm blessed that our luck has been cursed in the same way, and that each time our lives rearrange, they at least rearrange simultaneously; to the same place at the same time. my heart has learned to follow wherever his leads. i can't decide whether us moving around so often is a gift or curse. i can only think of it as how it makes me feel, and each time i've moved i've felt loss. i don't have a home anymore. it looks as though he is all i'll ever really have while everything around us falls apart or changes.

i really should start packing, only i'm in a bit of a fog and my mind can barely wrap itself around the idea of breakfast and a shower. any social plans i've made have fell through and i'm beginning to think its a sign that i should be moving on, not making memories. but that's an unfair thought. how strange that we've left near or on the second of each month. i seem to be the only one greatly affected by all of this. maybe i'm just tired.