although i'm terrible at it, i try to suppress my emotions at times and my body is deeply offended by my denial and retaliates by sending fatigue and headaches. i try to smile. he says i'm beautiful when i smile. i would truthfully assume he was lying if his eyes didn't change the way they do when he smiles back at me. i need to trust his intuition. i just don't think i'll ever be quite capable of figuring him out, not like the others. and the others being so predictable is what kept me feeling safe.

we talked today about bettering ourselves, him and i. we plan to start a schedule where we don't sleep in half as late, excercise, and more importantly that i start reading again and he starts writing. i am happier with a book between my hands. i am happier with the music playing. i am happier when my body can keep up with my mind. i am happier when my mind can keep up with my body.

this week i will bring life back into my life.
with him beside me i think i'm capable of almost anything.