i suppose i feel like i've been doing everything wrong lately. it seems the more i try to fix things, the worse it becomes. i've hit an obstacle every day this week. i hate that my moods are obvious and and easy to manipulate. i'm used to being surrounded by people who walk around with their insides out. you could see the smile in their eyes, and their frown was easily interpreted. they were no less complicated than any other, but it's as if they wore it all proudly. mostly happy, and rarely distraught... but when they were distraught you understood their thoughts clearly as your own. it's taken me twice as long to begin to understand my lovers thoughts. i'm just now beginning to learn what it all means. what he says vs. what he means. what he's thinking vs. what he does.

i think i've left my mind somewhere. maybe on the rooftop of my old home. somewhere between the pages of a returned library book. on top of the water tower. or maybe in the frozen food aisle in the nearest grocery store. it's gone.