i should really be enjoying not having the responsibility of working right now, but it seems to be the opposite as i feel completely worthless, sitting here. i could wake up at 4 in the evening and would still accomplish as much as i would by waking up at 7 a.m. nothing needs me now. and without money, i suppose i can't afford to need anything myself. i want to wake up earlier but all it would be is more time to sort out nothings, and clean nothings, and eat nothings.

i suppose more than anything, i hate to assume that only screens can save us from boredom. television screens, computer screens, telephone screens. i simply cannot stand to watch television anymore. there are a few shows i designate my time to, but otherwise i really can't stand its prescence. something about televisions make me think only of the movie requiem for a dream. and the computer doesn't keep my attention for long. i feel worthless when i watch television because i feel that my company alone is not enough to entertain. i truly wish the power would shut off. i certainly have enough candles to combat the darkness, and it would force us to pursue other things, such as each other.