Day 1 — Your Best Friend

I told myself I'd start this project on July 1st, but July has somehow swept me away in its first 5 days.

I'm both excited and terrified to do this project. I feel as though it'll be much like ripping off bandaids and picking scabs. (Gross, I'm sorry.) I'm torn between ideas of how healing is supposed to work now. I'm not sure if it's simply time that heals all wounds, or if it's attempting anything that promises incite closure, or if venting and expressing your emotions to people you trust somehow helps nurse your thoughts back to health.

Regardless, I'll try my best to write one letter every day, and I'll try my best to write the letter assigned to that specific day, but I can't promise. Some people who have taken on this project have written such lighthearted letters (which I adore and envy), and although I'm sure some of mine might be too, some of the topics are such heavy thoughts to bear. Regardless, I know I will finish this project. So here it comes.


Day 1 — Your Best Friend

Dear Best Friend,

I've chosen to write this letter in a manner that keeps you anonymous. That's because I've chosen to write to every best friend: The ones that exist now, the ones that only existed then. The ones I speak to once a day, and the ones I speak to once a month. This is for you. I want to tell you that I wouldn't have made it here without you. The times you drove me around the city until I could finally bring myself to stop crying, the times you came over at 2 a.m. just to listen to music in my room, the times you've answered my phone calls and spoke to me for hours whether I was laughing or crying. Sometimes I feel that you've never stopped loving me unconditionally. It's almost surreal.

We dream, we swim, we laugh, we sing, we cry, we dance. We stay awake to see sunrises, we climb water towers, we complete each other's sentences, we go on road trips, fishing trips, camping trips, we stay in bed all day. I feel like I belong in the world when you're with me. You look at me and I know you understand me whether or not I've spoken any words at all.

I want to apologize if I've ever hurt you. I want to apologize to you for sometimes not answering my phone, and I want to apologize to you for sometimes answering my phone at all; this has been my hardest year, and I know I haven't always made for the happiest conversation, or the best company. I know all you've ever done is try to take care of me. I promise my distance is only ever an attempt at burdening you less.

Please never doubt what you mean to me. You've made my life so much easier to bear. Some days you were all that brought me out of bed in the morning. Some nights you were the only reason I could fall asleep. Even if it didn't last, I still think of our memories fondly.

Thank you for being here now, and being here then.