because i dream, i am not.

i'm terrible at making posts that are about holidays. even i tried, i'm unsure i could dedicate an entire post to mother's day. if i began to speak about mother's day, i would only drift back to thoughts and day dreams that began on the topic of my mother, then slowly declined into speaking of bits and pieces of my childhood, like the time the wind blew so high, that as i was walking with my umbrella open, i lifted off the ground.

i haven't been able to focus much recently, because my mind drifts off into whimsical thoughts of making lover dinner in our new home. at times i'm quickly brought back down to earth by the thought of getting all that furniture up those stairs between just the two of us, but then i start to imagine our bodies exhausted, yet accomplished, jumping into the pool and erasing our cares.

i know how often i become caught up in dreams, but i cannot stop the feelings or i think my heart would nearly explode. i believe the absence of dreaming causes death in our lives, unliterally, of course. but just as you can look in a person's eyes and see darkness, you can stand near a person and know that they dream as you do, and they understand the pain of life, but always seek to find love and beauty in the midst of chaos.

i realize how often my lover and i are constantly questioned about how much we've argued since we've been together, and as i tell them that we've never fought, they stare at me in disbelief. they then proceed to tell me that our relationship will soon fall, that we surely begin to fight, and the fact that we haven't already truly must be a sign that there are lies and deceit between us. i smile because they simply don't understand. i smile while knowing it is because people do not believe in love as they used to. love surely must be built upon some form of dishonesty, distrust, and always leave room for meaningless bickering of what to eat for breakfast, and whether the television is on far too loud.

no one believes that in the midst of our hard times, i've been able to look him in the eyes and simply laugh, and that is what saves us. it is not the absence of frustration or reality that allows our relationship to remain this way, but it is purely because of how freely we speak and laugh about the complications in our lives. we've told each other what the other person would never want to hear, we've fallen asleep with our backs turned to each other out of stubborness, but we haven't allowed ourselves to accept the tradition of a love-hate relationship found in many couples today.

naturally, by no means am i saying i understand the complications of marriage, a mortgage, and having a family, but if we can keep this going for as long as we possibly can, and save the arguments for times they truly have meaning, i think we can make it.

if you turn on your television, you'll find sitcoms on every station about the wife who constantly rolls her eyes at the sports-watching husband, and the husband who has reached mid-life crisis at the age of 30 simply because he and his friends refer to his wife as the old ball and chain. the canned laughter plays on while we watch their silly perils, and the arguments between the two escalate. we laugh when the wife lies to her husband about taking his credit card and spending his hard earned money. we laugh when the husband lusts over the next door neighbor who appears to roll out of bed in a red dress and heels, while his wife is downstairs in her pajamas, preparing breakfast for him. we make jokes ourselves every day to our friends about how stubborn our lovers are, and if only men really understood us women, or if women could just leave us men alone! but i think there are destructive qualities in the medias perception of relationships and marriage.

i believe we have distorted the perception of what love we should accept, and what love we should give.