caged animals do make me sad, though.

last night i dreamt of flamingos and giraffes.

lover and i went to San Diego this weekend. his presence made me feel whole again. the St. James was a charming hotel. the elevator was adorned with a metal gate that you opened and closed yourself, (in haste i might add, unless you'd like to wait for the elevator to travel 10 floors again) and a second door that you pushed open to exit. the hotel room itself was immensely small but held such a high ceiling that instead of realizing you're cramped, you are instead romanced with the idea that while you're nearly forced to move so closely around the room together, it would be absolutely foolish not to share a kiss in every passing. red stairs and a hotel key led you to the rooftop which was a breathtaking, unobstructed 360 degree view of San Diego. everything seemed to be both small and large from there. the sounds from below echo, and you fall silent just to hear the city resound. i still can't seem to comprehend why the faint sounds of honking horns and sirens could sound so endearing, but in the midst of chaos, i think knowing so many others are around makes you feel less alone.

we arrived late to the hotel, we checked in at nearly 9 and wandered about with our GPS trying to find seafood. we wandered from one restaurant to another, becoming instantly turned away by the price at the end of each description. our last effort for seafood resulted in a 20 minute walk in the dark near the harbor, with only roaches walking along side us. naturally, the restaurant had closed just 13 minutes prior to our arrival. so we wandered back to where we belonged and sat ourselves in the 24 hour restaurant that sits inside the hotel (which we had greatly underestimated). the menu promises the best pancakes you've ever tried, or your money back... and we walked away paying the full bill, and a gracious tip. the food was amazing. i thought it was simply because we were so hungry from our long walk, but even upon waking up the next morning, it was the only place we wanted to eat in the entire city. if you can get me to eat a burger with peanut butter on it, you must have a talented menu. i ate more pancakes than i probably have within one excessive week at home! but moving backwards now, before breakfast the next morning...

we mostly walked aimlessly after dinner, and for once it was me that taught lover how to be an assertive city pedestrian. the streets became filled with only the drunk and homeless, so we knew it was time to head back to the hotel. i fell asleep wearing his shirt, with his arms wrapped around me.

we were unsure of what to do the following morning, but after lover shared his tragic story of a certain little boy getting the chicken pox on the day of his elementary school zoo trip, we headed off to the zoo. (for the second time actually, since the first time we left, i realized 20 minutes later that i left my cell phone in the hotel lobby, and it surprisingly sat quite patiently in the chair i left it in until my return.) it was nice to hold his hand and marvel at the animals that we've only seen on television or inside the pages of colorful books.

i was so proud to have navigated the city, and even more proud to have made it to San Diego in the first place seeing as i screamed in terror for the entire drive on Hwy 74. blind turn, incline, decline, blind turn, sharp turn, repeat. the drive was worth it; the hotel expense, the walking, the sore feet, the loss of sleep, the petty argument. love should always be worth every second.

it was our 2 year anniversary this weekend, and i couldn't be happier. my entire world has fallen in love with his. i've seen him 737 days in a row since he stepped off the airplane. i remain infatuated with his presence, his eyes, his intelligence, his patience, his uncanny ability to retain information others would forget in minutes.

i love who you are.
i just want you near me like you are now, for good.