i'm not quite sure why i chose to stay home tonight and stray away from the party.

i suppose a party wouldn't have felt like a party tonight. maybe i am ashamed of others desires and intentions. instead i'd like to tell myself that i am just tired. it's so challenging for my other half to be so adventurous and free. the most spontaneity i could muster up in a week could not hold a match to what he could accomplish in one day. at the mention of a party he doesn't think twice. he could be in bed at 2 in the morning, well into sleep, and i believe you could startle him awake with air horns and he would open his eyes slowly and greet you warmly. i believed that i was becoming more free, but it seems as though that idea is slipping away.

i'm not so sure why i'm so private. i'm silently screaming at myself to remain the girl he fell in love with.