it's beginning to seem more than coincidence that everytime i post i am in the same physical positon. tonight he gently snores while one arm lays carefully over his chest, with his legs weightlessly resting above mine. i suppose i might've spoken too soon about the quiet snoring, because the sound has increased now. the sound gives me permission to type faster and louder without concern of waking him.

tonight is not different but tonight is new. my foot has begun to inch to the point of me desiring to flinch, but after keeping him awake for as long as i managed to tonight, i have sacrificed relief. my mind has taken to the idea of solitude but my body refuses to follow. my body strays away from the spaces my tiny body has found comforting, and into other rooms and buildings with inconsistent temperature and sounds. i tell myself that it is good for me to remove myself from what i find to be comfortable. at times when i do venture out, i quickly find regret and rediscover why i wish i would have obeyed my instincts. my regret typically stems from trying to find my way to places from the new house, or leaving the house without realizing how little effort i've put into getting dressed and presentable. it worsens when he is with me because then i cringe at the thought of what he might be thinking of me, or what others could be thinking of us. i'd imagine they'd silently frown to themselves in disapproval of a girl who wrecklessly dresses herself.